Do I have donut in my beard?

I wondered to myself, “Why does she keep looking at me?”  

Had I spilled coffee on myself? Was I dressed differently than everyone else? I was self-conscious all of a sudden.  

This was thirty years ago in Memphis, Tennessee. Together with the staff from our inner-city church, I attended a Saturday morning workshop hosted by the public school system. We started in the auditorium and then separated into breakout groups in classrooms throughout the school. I waved goodbye to the rest of our team and walked down the hallway with a group of strangers.  

I chatted with a few people as we entered the classroom and squeezed into a desk. I was excited. However, I soon began to feel uncomfortable.  

“Why does she keep looking at me like that?,” I wondered. The leader of our breakout group seemed to have singled me out. “Do I have donut in my beard?” 

I looked around, and then it hit me: I was the only white person in the room. I felt my face flush. My heart rate increased, and my palms began to get a little clammy.  “Maybe I don’t belong here,” I suddenly thought. 

Research shows that people who chronically struggle with belonging are less resilient, have lower self-esteem, often dropping out of school or work. By contrast, people with a healthy sense of belonging are better able to bounce back from problems; they are more flexible, adaptable, and happy.  

Thirty years ago in Memphis, I struggled for a moment, but I calmed my fears and stuck it out. And I learned something about the power of our human need to belong. Today, in Topeka, I get to work with a great team of mentors who connect with kids all over the city, meeting that basic human need, helping them to belong.  

Thank you for being a part of our community of support, helping us feel that we belong, and helping us create belonging for kids all over Topeka.