Xavier’s Story, Part 2: Earning Trust

Trust is difficult. Especially when trust has been broken. And it was shattered for Xavier.  

Xavier’s dad is absent. Mom has struggled for years with addiction. In his short 8 years of life, Xavier has experienced fatherlessness, eviction, homelessness, and foster care. He’s now back with Mom in a new home, attending a new school.  

Xavier’s mentor from The Bridge has been patient. It took nine weeks of consistent presence before Xavier was willing to get into a car with him. And then it was only because his older brother joined them. And because of the promise of ice cream from McDonalds. 
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After several more successful outings with Xavier’s older brother, his mentor thought they’d established enough trust for a one-on-one. But trust is difficult. Especially when trust has been broken. His mentor realized there was still a need for patience. Here are the notes from his mentor log:  

Went to p/u X from school. As we walked to my car, quietly he said, “I don’t want to go the The Bridge.” “Oh? Tell me more.” Silence. At the car, “I want to go to the trampoline park.” I explained “special occasion,” “maybe during Christmas break.” He began to cry. “I want to go home.” “On the bus or in my car.” “Bus.” “Are you sad about the trampoline park? It’s okay to be sad.” No response. I walked him back into the school and to the bus. After putting him on the bus, I spoke with his teacher: “I couldn’t get him to talk to me this morning. Yesterday after you left, he slept for an hour in the morning. I don’t know what is up with him. He had a good day. Or at least he didn’t have any major problems.

His mentor didn’t give up. He hustled back through the school to his car. He drove to Xavier’s home and was there when the bus pulled up. His mentor greeted him with smiling eyes, “Hey, buddy! Welcome home! How was your bus ride?” 

Xavier walked slowly up the hill and sat down on the bumper of the car. He looked silently at his feet before he finally said, “Okay, I’ll go to The Bridge with you.” And they did. They answered icebreaker questions in the car. They used the “secret” entrance into The Bridge, and enjoyed a warm, healthy snack. They read from their favorite book. They enjoyed an adventure at Skyline Park. Xavier had a blast! 

Trust is difficult for children who’ve experienced significant trauma early in their lives. Xavier has been slow to trust his mentor. But his mentor has been patient, always working on connecting a little more deeply each week.  
And it’s slowly making a difference. Thank you for helping make that possible. 


*Xavier’s name has been changed to protect his privacy.